mental health awareness week 2018

hey friends,

(insta saw it first but i wanna immortalise it here too for easy access…)

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it’s the end of #mentalhealthawareness week so i’m gonna take this moment to overshare! (equally, you’re welcome to skip this and just toss me a like for the cute piccies from our revision-break day trip!)

even though i’m currently horribly stresso + depresso bc of exams (and life in general but no surprises there), i know that this year was a year of progress for me. i learnt how to be kinder to myself and how to rethink some of my negative core beliefs. i learnt how to accept friendships changing and how to leave behind ppl who aren’t necessarily toxic (i cut those out a long time ago) but are unreliable or draining. i finally found a therapist who i clicked with after 7 years of navigating the system and even though the first few sessions were rough as hell (the aftermath of one was me disassociating and being brought home by the police at 4am after being found wandering near the highway), i’ve made so much headway in terms of self-love and redefining the values i want to live by. i’m so grateful that i’m still here (both at this uni and on this earth in general) and i’m so grateful to all my friendos over the years who repeatedly picked me back up and encouraged me to keep trying to find help after every shit gp appointment and every terrifying mental breakdown. (i’m not grateful, however, for the doctor who kept suggesting moodcafé rather than referring me onto a therapist. fuck u!)

yes, it’s been another year of shit men (as is the norm) but i’m slowly realising that none of that is a reflection on me and what i put into those relationships, be they casual or otherwise. sometimes circumstances just aren’t right no matter how much you want to make it work. i made it through last semester’s exams without a meltdown (actual milestone) and this semester would have probably gone just as well if it hadn’t been for the strikes + disrupted teaching. i’ve learnt how to better process my thoughts + emotions and life’s gotten a little bit easier. i’ve been more creative- i’ve done photoshoots; written a poem for an exhibition; had a piece of writing i’m super proud of published in print (thanks gal-dem)- and even though they’re all small things, the overarching fact is that my mental health has improved enough that i’m able to share those parts of myself without feeling cripplingly insecure. (wait, i was even proud?! of my work??! *gasp* where is this newfound ego coming from????)

(wrapping it up now bc i’ve got to go cry over french civ) even tho the last year hasn’t been perfect, it’s been one filled with hope + laughter + love and regardless of what i consider to be ‘this year’- 2018, until next mental health week, my 21st year, or the next academic year- i know i’m going to continue to grow and try my damnedest to be the best possible version of myself. (the beginnings and ends of years are social constructs anyways who knows when they actually are?? gotta keep tryna better yourself every day famalam)

p.s. if we’re counting ‘this year’ as my 21st year it’s gonna be great bc by the end of it i’ll have completed a year of celibacy and i can start 22 with a bang wooOoo whose dumb decision was this abstinence anyways

*****

Soph x

p.s have an outtake from dunino of me looking like that kim kardashian goat meme

say how u feel lmao

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